Going For A Win-Win Result - A Guide To Being Assertive

Assertiveness Training Win-Win

It is interesting that many people still confuse being assertive with being aggressive.

How about you? Have you learnt the difference?

Forgive me if you have, but for those of you who still aren't quite clear, here is a quick guide to assertiveness going for the win-win result.

Assertiveness

"The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behaviour affect the rights and well being of others"
Sharon Anthony Bower

It is interesting that many people still confuse being assertive with being aggressive.

How about you?

Have you learnt the difference?

Win-Win Result

Forgive me if you have, but for those of you who still aren't quite clear, here is a quick guide to assertiveness going for the win-win result.

Assertiveness is a behaviour or skill that helps you to communicate, clearly and with confidence, your feelings, needs, wants and thoughts, whilst acknowledging the needs of others.

State Your Opinions

Assertiveness means that you are able to state your opinions without feeling self-conscious, as well as being able to express your emotions openly.

Being assertive will enable you to make clear to others how you wish to proceed in all aspects of your life.

Respect Rights

At the same time, you will value others, respecting their right to an opinion as well.

Through effective, assertive communication you will be able to express how you wish to move forward.

Is there an issue that needs to be resolved?

Confrontation

Before confronting someone, why not write down what you are going to say?

Be polite, concise and include the following elements: the nature of the problem; how it affects you; how you feel about it; what you want to change.

Be prepared to negotiate if necessary to bring resolution.

Tack and Foresight

By using tact and foresight and by making the effort to see the other point of view and acknowledging it you will place yourself in a position of strength.

Be prepared to offer a compromise if that fits in with what you are aiming to achieve.

Assertiveness does not mean digging your heels in for the sake of it!

Assertiveness, Aggressiveness or Passivity

Are you behaving passively?

Do you think it is selfish to say what you want?

Do you worry that if you refuse to do something, then people won't like you?

Or do you think that other people should know what you want?

Second Guessing

Most people are so wound up with their own thoughts and worries that they usually haven't time to be second-guessing you.

By being clear and prepared to defend your own position if necessary, you will be able to build better relationships with those around you.

Feeling aggressive?

Take it out in the gym, on a punch ball or on the running track rather than at work or at home.

Aggression is emotion out of control and can be very destructive.

Physical activity can help you to diffuse aggression.

One of the great skills of an assertive person is the ability to say "no".

Be brief and to the point.

Practise Saying No

Be honest. If you know an unwelcome request is coming your way, practice saying no in advance.

What are you going to say and do?

If necessary, use the 'Broken Record Assertiveness Technique' where you just keep repeating your statement softly, calmly and persistently.

Not Rejection

Don't confuse rejecting a request with rejecting the person making the request.

Most people are happy to accept an honest "no" if it is expressed appropriately.

The first time will be the hardest!

Assertive Person

Practice the body movements of an assertive person.

When standing, be upright and relaxed with open hand gestures.

Relax your facial features and make firm and direct eye contact with whoever you are communicating with.

Assertiveness does not mean that you spend the day grinning!

Facial Expression

Your facial expression needs to be appropriate to how you are feeling so that you don't give out any mixed messages.

If you are pleased, smile, but if you aren't so happy with the way things are, feel free to frown.

Show a willingness to explore other solutions than your own if necessary.

Encourage creativity from all.

"How can we solve this problem?"

Will encourage others to tap into their resourcefulness.

Encouragement

Sometimes it just takes a bit of encouragement.

Weigh the costs. Telling other people how you feel also makes it easier for them to communicate their feelings to you.

Assertiveness is about acknowledging that all opinions are important

"I matter and so do you"

By being passive or aggressive you will lose out. Assertiveness costs nothing but brings many benefits.

Communicate Better

You will be able to communicate better, command respect and be listened to within respectful, negotiating relationships. Win-Win?

Definitely!

"The distance is nothing; it is only the first step that is difficult."
Madame Marie du Deffand

This article was contributed by Kate Harper.

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