Effective Communication Skills

Effective Communication Skills Are Essential

Being an effective communicator takes real skill.

Effective communication skills have to be developed, honed and added to on an ongoing basis.

They are the heart of your interpersonal skills and the greater your awareness of how it all works, the more effective your communication will become.

To be effective in business, you have to communicate well.

To be a good manager, you have to communicate exceptionally well.

We could write a book about the importance of communication key skills.

But, for now, we will start with some essentials for becoming a more effective communicator.

Communication Core Skills

Communication is always individual
Communication happens whether you think about it or not
A lot of stuff will get in the way of effective communication
Good communication can lead to conflict resolution
Slowly and incrementally you can improve your communication skills
We're not all the same
Everyone communicates differently and sees the world differently

Change Yourself to Change Others

When we start to look at effective communication skills and techniques, it becomes immediately apparent that the way you present yourself is not all there is to it.

The greatest skill you can have to instantly and significantly improve your communications skills is to understand the other person's point of view and how they see the world.

If you understand their point of view then you can adjust your own communication to take their point of view into account.

The only person you can be sure of changing in any communication is you.

Therefore, the most effective way to be in charge of what happens in any communication dynamic is changing what you do.

When you can do this you are well on the way to promoting better relationships.

Transform the Way You Communicate Quickly and Easily!
Communicate Better and more Effectively in Just Two Days!
Five Days to Change the Way You Communicate Forever!

You Are the Only One of You

There's never one right way to communicate.

Authentic effective communication always happens when we rely on those things we know to be true about or for ourselves.

Remember your personal style probably says more for you than all the words you use can.

What's Already Working?

Most people tend to look at what's wrong with themselves and other people rather than focusing on what already works.

Remember, something (more than one thing, of course) has to be working well for you to have got this far already!

How Communication Happens

Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication

Everything communicates. Remember!

If you aren't clear about what you mean and what your intention is, the other person (or people) could easily (and sometimes deliberately), misinterpret what you mean.

What you do matters as much as what you say.

The words that you use account for only a small part of your communication.

Your behaviour will 'read' unconsciously to other people.

Giving some thought to what you do while you speak or listen will have a large effect on the message the communication delivers!

Language is one of the most powerful indicators of how we think and feel about ourselves and others.

You need to be aware of the padding, justifications and excuses you use and whether they are appropriate.

You can make a big impact simply by changing some of the language you use

Developing your verbal range can significantly improve your communication skills.

Transform the Way You Communicate Quickly and Easily!
Communicate Better and more Effectively in Just Two Days!
Five Days to Change the Way You Communicate Forever!

Communication Cycle

There is a neat communication cycle we've come across that can help you understand how to make communication work better.

It means that you can take responsibility for every stage of the Communication Cycle:

Spoken - Heard - Understood - Agreed To - Acted On - Implemented.

Be aware of where you or others tend to fall off the cycle.

What Can Get in the Way of Effective Communication?

Here are some common barriers to effective communication.

We All Make Too Many Assumptions

Be aware of the assumptions you make, especially making something up and then acting as though what you made up was true.

Notice if you alter your behaviour with certain people because of the assumptions you make about them.

Also, be aware of the assumptions you think other people make about you.

Assumptions aren't necessarily bad.

Sometimes it's important to let people keep their assumptions (or some of them at least!) about you.

One effective way to deal with assumptions is to say to the other person, 'I've assumed such and such. 'Is that true?' or 'I'm making an assumption here about... Do you agree?'

Good communication in the workplace is often sabotaged by too many unconfirmed assumptions.

Patterns/Reverting to Type

We are pattern-making beings, which is good.

However, sometimes we get so used to behaving and responding in certain ways that it's hard to see that there's any other way of doing things.

When the pressure is on or we are under stress, even our best intentions may go out the window as we revert to type.

Habits, patterns, routine ways of thinking and behaving are difficult to change.

Noticing your patterns at least gets you aware of them!

One way to practise this is to see how many communication habits and patterns have crept into your workplace.

Try not to judge them. You can always decide if you want to change them or not.

Needing To Be Right

This is one area we all know about - the need to be right and in turn for the other person to be wrong.

One skill that does need practice is to let go of needing to be right.

Think of it as presenting information or a point of view rather than having to bludgeon someone else with your arguments.

If you want to promote effective relationships, this is one of the greatest communication key skills you can have is to be able to change what you want from a communication.

You may have started out wanting the other person to agree with you, but by giving that up you can change your want to "let them know you understand their point of view".

Conflict Resolution

One of the purposes of conflict is to arrive at a resolution, so if you avoid conflict, the problem usually (though not always) gets worse.

The earlier you can identify that there is a problem and intervene, the better it will be.

Good communication skills require you to be able to resolve conflict.

Transform the Way You Communicate Quickly and Easily!
Communicate Better and more Effectively in Just Two Days!
Five Days to Change the Way You Communicate Forever!

Agreement

Find something (anything will do) in the other person's argument that you can genuinely agree with.

This is a great way to take the wind out of someone's sails and ensure you don't get drawn into an insoluble argument.

People usually won't listen until they feel heard.

Bridge Building

Really listen to what the other person is saying - they usually give a lot of information without realising it.

Building bridges by making an offer can help enormously, as can changing what you want.

'I', Not 'You'

Use 'I' statements, not 'You' statements to avoid blaming.

This also means that you take responsibility for how you feel, rather than making the other person responsible for making things all right for you.

Attitude

You can change the direction of communication if you change your attitude.

There is no one attitude that's the 'right' one to have, though being direct and clear certainly helps.

Effective Listening and Responding

You can have a tremendous influence on communication as the listener and the responder.

When we get little or no response from the listener, we often project our assumptions onto them about what they are thinking (and usually we assume they aren't thinking good things about us!).